A Dream Deferred

I was never able to pursue my earliest dreams. I loved the Arts -- music, theatre, dance, fine art, and film. I was inspired to be a part of the entertainment industry in many ways and film was pure magic that seemed to pull all of these things together and preserve them forever.

This clip from a Truffaut film makes me very nostalgic for that which can never be.

"Le Cinema Règne" (Cinema Rules) is how Truffaut describes the feeling when everything falls into place during filming. I have known this feeling; I have experienced it acting in plays, singing in a Master Chorale, performing a dance, and indeed working in film production.

I realize I have other gifts to offer the world, but it is frustrating to never know what could have been if I had not been fighting with a brain disorder. I don’t ask for sympathy. I only ask for understanding.

I have now found another voice, in my advocacy; perhaps that was always my destiny.

Adam Duritz On Having Chronic Depersonalization

It is always a godsend when a celebrity -- especially one in the entertainment industry -- speaks openly about their personal struggles with any mental disorder. Adam Duritz is one who has come out with his struggle with chronic depersonalization disorder.

He was interviewed on Huff Post Live. What is unfortunate is because mental illness is so poorly understood by any mentally healthy individual, the journalist makes little effort to truly grasp the condition and Duritz is left to say he”feels crazy.” Not only to I detest the word “crazy” it again conveys only a vague description of Duritz’ daily battle which interferes with his creativity and his life in general.

I am grateful however for his coming forward and hope in the future he (and others with chronic DP/DR) are given more time to describe this horrible experience. And yes, “he looks perfectly normal.” So do most people with a mental illness. They simply choose to hide it out of shame or for to avoid discrimination at work or in social situations.

I believe I gravitated towards the entertainment industry early on as it is one place where you are allowed to be eccentric, or “different.” But as usual DP/DR is an equal opportunity scourge as are all brain disorders.

Thank you Adam!

Adan Duritz Opens Up About Depersonalization Disorder
Huffington Post Interview - August 27, 2014
With Ricky Camilleri

There are few things that faze Counting Crows frontman Adam Duritz. But the rocker's battle with depersonalization disorder has terrified him, he admitted on HuffPost Live.

“The dissociative disorder is scary. Being crazy is scary. I would love to not have to deal with that," he said to host Ricky Camilleri.

Depersonalization disorder is a dissociative disorder that causes sufferers to feel as though they are outside observers of themselves, disconnected from their physical bodies and no longer in control of their thoughts and actions.

Duritz first revealed his diagnosis publicly in 2008, and has said previously that his mental health issues have hampered his ability to write new songs and release new music with Counting Crows. The band's newest album, "Somewhere Under Wonderland," will be its first in seven years.
Duritz admitted that he deals with depersonalization "all the time."

"It's not going anywhere. It's sort of an 'all day, every day' thing. It's not fun," he said. "But that's life, you know. It's just like anything else. You kind of get what you get. "

Watch the full conversation HERE on HuffPost Live.

We Need Competent Mental Health Professionals

Even when individuals do receive mental health care they can be repeatedly misdiagnosed and given improper treatment. Kay Redfiled Jamison speaks out to mental health professionals. How this can happen these days reflects the need to focus on medical training across the board. We have a long way to go.

The New York Times
The Opinion Pages | Op-Ed Contributor
To Know Suicide
Depression Can Be Treated, but It Takes Competence

AUG. 15, 2014

“Suicidal depression involves a kind of pain and hopelessness that is impossible to describe — and I have tried. I teach in psychiatry and have written about my bipolar illness, but words struggle to do justice to it. How can you say what it feels like to go from being someone who loves life to wishing only to die?

Suicidal depression is a state of cold, agitated horror and relentless despair. The things that you most love in life leach away. Everything is an effort, all day and throughout the night. There is no hope, no point, no nothing.

The burden you know yourself to be to others is intolerable. So, too, is the agitation from the mania that may simmer within a depression. There is no way out and an endless road ahead. When someone is in this state, suicide can seem a bad choice but the only one.”

Click Here To Read The Full Article