A Dream Deferred

I was never able to pursue my earliest dreams. I loved the Arts -- music, theatre, dance, fine art, and film. I was inspired to be a part of the entertainment industry in many ways and film was pure magic that seemed to pull all of these things together and preserve them forever.

This clip from a Truffaut film makes me very nostalgic for that which can never be.

"Le Cinema Règne" (Cinema Rules) is how Truffaut describes the feeling when everything falls into place during filming. I have known this feeling; I have experienced it acting in plays, singing in a Master Chorale, performing a dance, and indeed working in film production.

I realize I have other gifts to offer the world, but it is frustrating to never know what could have been if I had not been fighting with a brain disorder. I don’t ask for sympathy. I only ask for understanding.

I have now found another voice, in my advocacy; perhaps that was always my destiny.


"Alone" by Edgar Allan Poe

From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then- in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life- was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.